This moment is the human family reunion because of the communication revolution. There will be conflict at any reunion…how do we learn to live with each other.
Think about how much time you spend engaged in back and forth communication. We negotiate all day long. How many important decisions are made by yourself as opposed to shared decision making, negotiation.
The choice is not to eliminate conflict but can we use the conflict in a constructive way.
The single biggest obstacle to us achieving success in a negotiation is ourselves. We get angry and say thing that we regret – we react.
Instead “go to the balcony” a higher place where we can get a clearer perspective.
Skills to negotiate well:
- Focus on people
- We end up being soft on people, so then soft on problem
- Or we are hard on problem, then hard on people
- Success in negotiation is to separate the people from the problem: be hard, solid focus on problem while being soft on people
- Empathy, respect
- Focus on interests, not positions
- Address the underlying interests
- Why do you want that? What are your needs?
- Develop multiple options
- Once we have the interests, we can get creative on options
- You can get together as a team to focus
- Power of objective criteria and fair process
- Ask: how do we expand the pie?
- Deal with the will and ego
- Use standards and objective criteria for fairness
BATNA: Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement
What’s our alternative if the negotiation goes south? Go into a negotiation preparing by looking at all the alternatives. The BATNA is best alternative to satisfying interests.
Abraham Lincoln: during Civil War he was speaking sympathetically about the South. Do I not destroy my enemy by turning them into my friend.